Multiplayer Help

I am having difficulties getting a multiplayer game setup. I want to play a game with my roommate on different machines over your standard tcp/ip connection (ie, the internet). We regularly do this with many games, including civ4, but are unable to get it to work with SEV.

What we have - game installed and running fine on 3 machines, internet, etc

Multiplayer settings, I believe, are correct - i choose host, name a save file, select tcp/ip, and click begin. he does the same and chooses player. so on and so forth.

once in the multiplayer setup screen (after he has entered my correct ip and port information) i click "wait for players"

sometimes he is able to connect, and sometimes we get an "unable to establish provider" message. after connection (when we can get that to work), we go through the process of adding his empire and then mine (as the host), but when it comes time to actually begin the game (i assume by selecting "process turn"), nothing happens. A loading bar flashed up very briefly that says something to the effect of "placing players" or some such, but does not go full course, then it just sits in the multiplayer lobby, indefinately.

any help or assistance would be wonderful. if any more information is needed i can provide it. also, it should be noted that ive tried to do this several times using all three machines here, once even trying to use one as a pure host and the others as players but to no avail.

thanks in advance